Where do I belong?

Yesterday, I received a wedding invitation card for one of my cousin sisters. It was the prettiest card I had ever seen, with all the details mentioned clearly and elegantly. However, as I admired the card, I noticed something that struck me deeply. The R.S.V.P. section listed all my uncles and brothers, but my name was nowhere to be found.

This realization hit me hard. If my sister were to get married, I would make sure my name was the first on the list. We aren’t even close to our brothers, two of whom are “Gen Z.” But what about us four sisters? Why were our names not mentioned on the card? Is it because we are girls? Ouch.

My parents have always made me feel like an integral part of the family, but when we discussed this, they seemed to be okay with it. Every time we talked about savings, it was always about the wedding, either mine or my sister’s, as if we needed money just for that. Of course, we received the best education we could ever get, but after spending 26 years of my life thinking this is my safe space, my family, it feels like a void when I have to fight to get my name in the family tree. The family tree which my father proudly explains to everyone, doesn’t it break his heart to realize this might end at him?

The family I marry into will have my husband and son but not me. This creates a void nobody can fill. Yes, we will get married, and I would love to get married, but what if the sense of belonging does not come there? It’s scary to think that home, which is supposed to be your mother’s lap and your partner’s arm, might not feel like home if each one thinks you are part of the other family.

Oh, and the irony is even my Nani thinks of my mother as part of some other family. So, my mother, who makes our house a home, does not get the sense of belonging anywhere to be found. Doesn’t it break her heart?

Don’t get me wrong; they do love you, but is this love out of guilt? My mother can’t ask me to come home for Diwali after I marry, and I have to ask for permission from my new home to come back to her for Diwali. How do I decide what is home to me? The safe space for me? Where do I find the chart that shows me as family, the card that mentions me as an R.S.V.P. member?

To anyone reading this, don’t forget to make your daughters and granddaughters your “family”, so they never have to receive a family wedding card that doesn’t mention them.